I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
