I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
