If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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