If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
