A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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