You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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