I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize