There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Randomize
