Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
