you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
