Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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