Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
