you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
