i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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