and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
