My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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