Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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