my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
