I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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