hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
