So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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