Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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