Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
