This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
