and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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