evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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