Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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