I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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