Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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