So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
