so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
