Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
