barbara walters just said penis...
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
