i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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