dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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