Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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