I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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