She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
