In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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