For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
