evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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