I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
