i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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