They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
