well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
