He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
