Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
