I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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