she is the kim kardashian of front butts
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
