i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
