new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
God, I missed his penis.
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