Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
