So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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