Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
