Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
