I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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