Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
