Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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