Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
