yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bet he comes in French.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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