im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
is that a dick in a sweater?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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