): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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