you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
